Posted on January 13, 2011


Maybe it’s just me but life can feel pretty lonely sometimes. Or perhaps I’m the only one who’ll say it out loud. I have a great life and am blessed with a large family and yet I still find myself missing people.

In the end all I’ll really care about is the relationships I have with others. I ask my husband every once in a while if he thinks he could love me if I was a quadriplegic, unable to do much but talk. That seems like such a sad question, and no one can say for sure how certain stresses can effect a relationship. But because I ask the question I know I wonder about all of my relationships and what holds them together. I don’t know if anyone walking the planet doesn’t have some insecurities about why they are loved, and how they fit into friends’ and families’ lives. This much I know. Friendship needs nurturing if it’s going to thrive in the present.

Isn’t it interesting how with all the people in the world we only really click with a few? Maybe I’m alone in this, but that’s my experience. Knowing that  makes me value my friendships even more.

In the kitchen this morning I was wishing that all of my friends were living within walking distance. I know we might go days without seeing each other, but wouldn’t it be fun?  Just to lighten the loneliness that comes unexpectedly. Every once in a while  we’d just sit on the steps and talk about stuff while the kids played in the yard. I might break out the brownies.

Now it’s wintertime again and everything in my life goes so slowly. And every day feels so quiet. For some reason I wake up at 2am and am up for the day. Today it worked when I willed myself to go back to sleep until 3. Everyone in the neighborhood stays inside. That’s not a complaint. Just an observation. Friendships are sometimes like that. They rest for a while for a million different reasons. But if you lived nearby we’d see each other outside shoveling out the driveway and the mailbox. And if you found yourself twiddling your thumbs, wondering what you could do with yourself, you could wander down to my house and enjoy a little chaos or quiet depending on the day.

But Spring will come. One day I’ll feel the shift. I’ll know it’s time to get out and turn and amend the soil in preparation for a new garden. The air will be so refreshing. We’ll clean up the rest of the dead leaves that we missed last Fall. And I’ll consciously breathe a sigh of relief that the long winter is finally over. And secretly I’ll hope the cold weather with all of its loneliness will stay away a little longer.

I adore my family. And I need friendships outside of it. But I’m just not good at knocking on doors and asking if I can come in and stay a while. That’s why I want you to come live nearby. You’d like my brownies. I’ve been told they’re pretty good. And they always taste better with a friend.

Betsy Cross

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