I Found the Time

Posted on June 27, 2012

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Thoughts are like beacons of light to me. I’ve come to rely on inspiration, in the form of thoughts, to guide me to my best self. Early every morning I sit and wait for that ONE that stands out from the rest. The one that has to be paid attention to so that at the end of the day I feel peace.

My life has become extremely complicated, so sometimes I’ll get a thought , or assignment if you will, for a few of my responsibilities. But I typically ignore or save for last the ones that are for me personally.

I’m changing that, and it is a challenge!

I had one thought yesterday: if you don’t get it done by the time you have to leave for the Family History Center, there’s always after. Exercise, that is. Something just for me.

It was a full day yesterday. And James and Kenny were NUTS! I was in the car a lot. I noticed how I kept feeling anxious about fitting exercise in somewhere, sometime, like I’d let myself down if I couldn’t get it done.

It was after 9pm. when my friend and I finished chatting at the Center and I left, leaving her to lock up. It had been a really productive night and we were both physically and emotionally exhausted.

But you know what wears on me more than anything? NOT doing what my mind has reminded me to do all day long. I have a lot of thoughts, distracting ones, mostly. I know the difference between a prompting and a distraction. One serves ME, and the other controls me.

I don’t like being controlled! Who does?

I admitted to my friend that I had to run when I got home. She offered me some chicken (her dinner in the car!) for some fuel. I declined. I suggested that we run before we open the Center on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She laughed.

I met James at the door when I strolled in at 9:30. He gave me a hug and I told him to go to bed, I’d be right back. I threw on my running shoes without changing my clothes, and headed out the door, into the night.

FYI: Sidewalks are bumpier than they seem in daylight, and if there are no streetlights you might want to carry a flashlight next time, Betsy!

I ran and ran, sometimes away from shadows and noises from the bushes. My lungs burned a bit, but I had fun. I like the dark. It’s very quiet and serene.

When I got home I found out that James had been looking for me everywhere! But I’d told him where I was going! I know I had.

My husband asked me where I’d been and what had prompted me to go running at that time of night?

There was no other time all day, I answered. So I took the time when it showed up. He was noticeably baffled. That’s when I realized that nobody needs to understand why I’m doing anything. I really don’t know why either. It’s complicated, yet very simple.

I do it because I can.

I found this quote a while back that I just remembered. Maybe it relates somehow? Perhaps it’s a reminder to just be yourself, no explanation, no apology.

Shine.

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